Trouble In Mind

Trouble in mind, I'm blue,

but I won"t be blue always.

Child that wind's gonna come and blow my blues away!

-Trouble in Mind-Janis Joplin

We all have our troubles and we all get blue, but it is very important not to dwell on all the bad things that come our way. In my experience the best way to fight the blues or troubles is to forgive. It seems all things that hold me back or keep me angry stem from incidents that I have not let forgiveness heal. Whether it is forgiving someone else or the hardest type of forgiveness, forgiving myself.

I have done many things that need to be forgiven, I have asked the Lord for his forgiveness and believing in His Grace I know I have received that gift. But forgiving myself is another story.

Not forgiving myself for shameful and hurtful things I have done or have allowed to happen to me is a drag. Basically I am living day to day with a person who is angry, resentful, and hurt. Imagine living with someone for your whole life who will not forgive you for anything you have done. After a while you will see yourself as those hurtful actions, that is who you will eventually become. If that is who you are you will most likely continue to do more hurtful and shameful things.

Forgiving others is a little tricky for me. I forgive easily but tend to hold a grudge, that is not forgiveness and it hurts the other person and me. It is easy to forgive someone you love, especially if that person tries on a daily basis to be a good person and tries not to do the offence that was forgiven again.

How do you forgive someone who continually does the same offence over and over again? The Lord says we must forgive for the sake of others and ourselves. How do you do this when the person will not stop hurting or offending you?

A wise man told me something about marriage. He said a marriage contains three rings, her ring, his ring, and suffering. The suffering is do to the forgiveness a marriage must have to survive. I am lucky that my husband is a person who strives everyday to be a good person. But what if your spouse will not correct their ways and you must forgive them for the same acts over and over again? What about a friend or a family member who will not correct their offences?

There is suffering in life, that suffering holds many Graces for us, but there are times when you must forgive a person, love and pray for them from far away. Some people are detrimental to our soul, but that does not mean we leave them and hold hatred for them, that is damaging to the soul as well. Some people think that when someone forgives them it means what they did was alright. Those types of people don't know what forgiveness is, or how precious to the soul someones forgiveness can be.

Some people including myself at times, see true forgiveness as a sign of weakness. How can that be when it takes so much strength to do so?

Lent is coming up and I have been thinking about what I can do this year. What I can "give up"

I have given up a lot of physical things already. This year for Lent I am going to give up holding grudges. I am going to feel what it's really like to forgive, the way the Lord wants me too. Even if it means forgiving people in my life, past or present, and loving them from far away.

This year I am going to try not to let grudges, for myself, or anyone else trouble me. I am going to let the wind of forgiveness blow my blues away.

Cha Cha Cha Changes

There are a lot of changes going on with me at the moment. One, and a very big one, is that I quit smoking. I am not over the hump just yet, but I am slowly getting there. Some people don't think of smoking as a drug and that it does nothing to effect your personality. Those who think that are wrong.

I have realized when I smoked I was in constant withdrawal from one cigarette to the next. Aways irritable waiting until I could go outside and have my fix. I am irritable now but it is becoming less and less and my mood stays pretty level whether I am happy, sad, or whatever.

Another change has been in my eating and weight loss. I knew that if I gained a lot of weight by not smoking there was no way I would succeed. I started eating right and exercising and I am actually losing weight! Granted the weight is coming off slower than before, but I am not gaining the dreadful pounds everyone says you will gain when you quit smoking.

There are other changes that will be coming up for me that I don't really know how I feel about them just yet. I am having surgery this Friday to correct a medical problem. By correcting this problem will most likely result in me not being able to have anymore children.

I can hear people screaming WHAT!! already. I know I already have five children and I am not getting any younger. I know that I need to concentrate and be grateful for the children I have, but I can't help to feel selfish and a tad upset that there will be no more children in my future. I tell myself to thank God for what I have, but my heart does break a little bit every time my youngest, Ben, reaches and passes a mile stone. This will be the very last time a child of mine will smile for the first time, roll over, sit etc...

Change can be hard especially when we don't know what the outcome will be. But for me, trusting in the Lord makes the move toward change much more pleasant.

All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another. ~Anatole France

Catching Up

I can't believe I only have 90 days until the new baby arrives! Actually I will be going into the hospital on Aug. 10th to have this little angel. Time went by so fast. I am doing good, I feel incredibly heavy and get worn out fast, but that's to be expected.

My baby brother is getting married and our family is so excited! My mother is in her glory planning and getting things ready. She loves this kind of thing. Everyday she has something new planned or an idea she wants to share. I love to see everyone so happy.

I have been on the site Facebook quite a bit. It is great to get in touch with people from school, family, and current friends.

I have been reading Dante's Divine Comedy. I like the book but without the notes after each chapter I would be lost.

It is a blessing that things are quiet and a tad boring around here. In a few months it will be full force action with the new arrival, summer vacation, and the busy weekends. So for now I am going to enjoy these lazy boring days.

God Bless

What's Happening?

Life has been going pretty well for us. The changes we are making seem to be positive and making all of us comfortable and happy.

I posted before about how Big D and I are doing the Dave Ramsey plan to be debt-free. This plan really works! Before when Big D would announce he was going to do the bills you could feel the tension in the air. Since we have been on this plan every time he does the bills he has said, "This is awesome!" You can't beat that kind of reaction.

Being disciplined about money and living below our means, and we are living way below our means, has not been as hard as I thought it would be. Thinking about a debt-free future keeps me focused. The hardest part of this whole thing is saying no to the kids and to other people.

It gets complicated when others ask you to do things that we don't want to spend money on and we have to explain what we are doing and why. Some people say, "Good for you." others give us a weird look and change the subject. We will continue to push on.

We had one good day of weather. It was sixty degrees and sunny. My mood on that day changed instantly. I don't know if it was the sunshine or if it was because the kids played out side most of the day.

I put on some Lime Coolada lotion, relaxed with my front door open and made believe it was summer. Can you tell I am really ready for some nice weather!

Then it went back to being cold and now it has been non stop rain. Oh well I know spring is coming and soon my spirits will be lifted.

My little niece was baptized at the beginning of the month and Big D was given the honor of being Godfather. He is very proud of this honor given to him and he wrote a beautiful post about Baptism. The post is titled The Applause From Heaven.

School is going. I guess it is going well, we are getting the work done and I am trying to make it as fun as I can, but I have been so tired and not motivated at all. I am doing the best I can and the kids are learning, I guess that is what matters.

The time change has me all messed up. Since the time change we have all been waking up at 9am. That is late for us. It seems the day goes by so quickly now. But I love how it stays light out longer into the night. I think it is around 5pm and when I glance at the clock it is 7:30 at night.
It is taking me awhile to get used to this change.

My pregnancy is going well. All my tests have come back normal. We will be able to find out if the baby is a boy or a girl on St. Patrick's Day. I can't wait, I hope the baby cooperates!

I am grateful for my life and how drama free it is. I am grateful that the biggest news I have is about the time change and the weather. Some may say it is boring but I say it is blessed!

That's all folks, have a blessed day!

A Day in the Life of a Thrifty Shopper

Where I live the weather changes so quickly. You don’t know if it is going to be 70 degrees outside or 40 degrees.

The cold weather has been pretty consistent. I took the winter coats out and had the kids try the coats on. All the while crossing my fingers hoping their coats would fit one more year.

Everybody’s coat fit perfectly except Miss. She has gotten so tall that last years coat was not going to cut it. Miss needed a winter coat now so I headed off to my favorite place, our local thrift store.

We have an awesome local thrift store. There are some days when I go that I can’t find anything, but most of the time I can find some really good stuff.

The kids and I went hunting for a winter jacket for Miss. At first the selection was not that great. Either the coats were not warm enough or way to worn. Then Miss spotted a lime green coat that she loved. It was heavy and warm and looked brand new. It was a London Fog winter coat and as I was inspecting it I saw it still had the tags on it and the price on the tag was $60.00. The thrift store price was $8.99, score!

After the thrift store we did some shopping at the dollar store to find curlers. Miss made up her own costume this Halloween and it includes curlers for her hair.

The kids were being good, and I was still excited about my awesome find at the thrift store. A lady was looking at us and I smiled. Before she walked out the door she said, “Now that is really being handicapped.”

It did not register in my brain what she said until she was out the door. Then I said, “Did she just call me handicapped?”

I began to get angry and was glad that the women had left because I really wanted to say something to her. But instead I shrugged it off and thought about the cool lime green coat that I got for a steal and went on my merry way

As we returned home from an exciting day of thrifty shopping a family member stopped by to chat, it went something like this…

FM-“How is Homeschool going?”

Me- “It is going really well.”

FM- “That’s good I guess.” “I just feel bad for you.”

Me- “Umm, I’m good”

FM- (gives me a look like she knows something I should know too.)

Me- ‘Look at this awesome coat I got….

FM- (cuts me off to tell me about her ailments)

Determined not to lose the happy feeling I have had most of the day, I listened politely as I looked at Miss wearing the brand new coat I bought for $8.99 and tried to remember that it really has been a good day.

Change

Things look a little different around here. I decided it was time to give this blog a makeover.
It is more personal now, a little more me.
It seems like this blog is not the only change that is happening around here.
One thing going on is changing our house around, an easy change but one that holds meaning for me.

The reason we are changing the house around is to give my oldest child a little space of her own. She will be ten next month and I am watching a tremendous change take place in her. She can be my sweet little girl, playing with her brothers and sisters, still getting into her dress up box. Then there are times where she acts older, times when I can glimpse a different type of maturity in her.

This change is bitter sweet. Soon to come are the teenage years, I hope she will carry a little bit of her child like good nature into the years to come. I will miss the little girl but I look forward to knowing her as a young lady and a teenager.

Then there is the change of my children’s education, homeschooling is only weeks away. I am excited and nervous. Really I can’t wait to get started.

Another thing happening is a change within me. If you read this blog you may have noticed that I have written a couple of posts about women and their role that God has set for us. I have been reading articles, reading books, and talking with intelligent and faithful women about this subject. I would like to have a better understanding of the role women play in the Catholic faith and in society. With that understanding I am hoping to have a different outlook, become comfortable with myself and embrace all the changes happening around me.

“Change is the essence of life. Be willing to surrender what you are for what you could become.”
-Unknown

6 Word Meme

I was tagged by ginny over at Small Things With Great Love
Here is the info from their blogs about the "rules" of what you are to do...
This meme originated over an idea that was prompted by the book written by Larry Smith & Rachel Fershleiser, Not Quite What I Was Planning: Six Word Memoirs by Writers Famous & Obscure. It’s a compilation based on the story that Hemingway once bet ten dollars that he could sum up his life in six words. His words were, “For Sale: Baby Shoes, Never Worn.”

1. Write your own six word memoir.
2. Post it to your blog including a visual illustration if you would like.
3. Link to the person who tagged you in your post and to this original post if possible so we can track it as it travels across the blog sphere.
4. Tag 5 more blogs with links.
5. Don’t forget to leave a comment in the tagged blogs with an invitation to play.



Every day,I trust in you


I tag...

Sissy (What's in Sissy's Head)

Cathy (From the Field of Blue Children)

Mama Says

Angie (Many Little Blessings)

Motherhood for Dummies

Thrusday Thirteen

“It has been often said, very truly, that religion is the thing that makes the ordinary man feel extraordinary; it is an equally important truth that religion is the thing that makes the extraordinary man feel ordinary."
- Charles Dickens

“The way to love anything is to realize that it may be lost.”
-G.K. Chesterton

There are two kinds of people: those who say to God, "Thy will be done," and those to whom God says, "All right, then, have it your way."
-C.S. Lewis

"I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen; not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else."
-C.S. Lewis

I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much.
-Mother Theresa

It is not the magnitude of our actions but the amount of love that is put into them that matters.
-Mother Theresa

I believe in the sun even if it isn't shining. I believe in love even when I am alone. I believe in God even when He is silent.
-Anonymous

The heart of a mother is a deep abyss at the bottom of which you will always find forgiveness. ~Honoré de Balzac

“Cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow
For babies grow up, we've learned to our sorrow
So quiet down, cobwebs
Dust, go to sleep
I'm rocking my baby, and babies don't keep.
-Anonymous

Grown don't mean nothing to a mother. A child is a child. They get bigger, older, but grown? What's that suppose to mean? In my heart it don't mean a thing.
~Toni Morrison, Beloved, 1987

Change the changeable, accept the unchangeable, and remove yourself from the unacceptable.
-Denis Waitley

The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it.
-Albert Einstein


It is not true that nice guys finish last. Nice guys are winners before the game ever starts.
–Addison Walker

Thursday Thirteen

God Bless These Chicken Nuggets

My kids teach me a lot of things. They teach me patience, I seem to be a slow learner at this, I keep tying. They teach me about love, kindness and they teach me how to have faith like a child.

Big D and I want to teach our children that you don’t have to hide your faith, we are open and talk about God with them everyday. These little folks are not reserved when it comes to talking about their faith or prayers around anyone, for this I am grateful.

The lesson they taught me happened one day at McDonald's I took them there for lunch and to run around in the play area. We got our nutritious meal of cheeseburgers and chicken nuggets and sat down in the crowded play area to eat. My kids know they have to eat all their food before they can play. I guess that gives me a point for being a good mom, even though I feed them fast food sometimes for lunch.

The place was packed. Moms, Dads, and kids filled the tables. There were also kids running around playing. We were about to start eating when Miss said, “Wait we have to say grace.” This was at a time when we had just begun making prayer apart of our daily lives. Being reserved in my faith, I felt uncomfortable. I did not want my kids to see I felt this way, I put my burger down and said, “Go ahead."

The kids quietly folded their hands and made the sign of the cross. In a normal voice they said Grace. I followed their lead. I had my head down so I don’t know if people were looking at us or not. I didn’t care; after we said Grace I could not have been more proud. I thanked God to myself. I thanked him for these children, and I asked him to help me to be like them.

That day as my children and I said Grace over our chicken nuggets and cheeseburgers I felt God was truly giving me a lesson through these little children. Have faith like a child, God is everywhere, (even McDonald's) and never be afraid to be who you are. Now our family always says Grace before we eat no matter where we are. I don’t feel uncomfortable about it at all.

My children taught me that.

Viewing Life Through Orange Colored Goggles

Is it possible to view the world through rose-colored glasses, or orange colored goggles as this post depicts? How can I live in the world today and not be jaded by the tragedies that happen. How can I overcome the tragedies that befall me?

When these things come to mind I think of how children get along in the world and the experiences they deal with. It seems from the very start of life children are born with an embedded trust in their parents. As children get older they seem to believe that their parents control the universe. When a child has parents who love and care for them the trust is sometimes overwhelming. If a tragedy or a bad thing happens to a child, they look to their parents to make it all better, or at least explain it in a way that the child can overcome the experience.

With this kind of parent child relationship, I can see how it is easy for a child to view the world in a positive way. What about us as adults and parents, this is something we cannot teach our children unless we know how to do it ourselves. I believe this is where God and faith come in.

As infants we have parents who cater to our every need, as children our parents shield us from the dangerous ways of the world. We form a tremendous trust. And learn that yes, the world can sometimes be a dangerous and hurtful place, but there is always a safe spot for us. A place we can go to come back to good thoughts and actions.

Does this all end as we leave our parents and venture out in to the world as adults? I believe that the bigger picture is God. He is our safe spot. When I let go and understand that He controls my universe, I can feel at rest with the experiences that happen around me.

I would like to believe that my trust in God could never be broken, even when my loved ones or I are in the midst of tragedy. When hope seems so far away, would my trust be as strong as I would like it to be? I believe this is where examples of people who do have that trust come in.

When I was pregnant with Oney a couple from our parish was also pregnant. The Adamkiewiczs. Catherine was due around the same time as I was.When we saw each other we would talk about our pregnancies and all things baby.Time went on and I had Oney,a healthy baby boy. Catherine had Celeste, but she was not healthy. She was kept at the hospital due to her illness. When we would see the Adamkiewicz family they would give us updates, and sometimes their eyes were filled with hope that little Celeste would b coming home soon.

Celeste never came home. It was an awful tragedy that fell on this family. How could this happen to such a wonderful family? A family who tries their very best to live the way God wants them to? After Celeste died we would see Catherine and her family at Church, their trust in God was strong. It was an example to all of us.

They decided that God controlled their universe and like any good parent He would take care of them.Catherine and her family decided to put on their rose colored glasses and let God take care of them and their broken hearts.

This family went further, they knew Celeste was here for a reason, Catherine wrote a book about their tragedy and their faith that held them together. The book is called Broken and Blessed. It is a story of a family who had to use all their strength to trust that God would see them through their daughter’s death.

The Adamkiewicz family used their tragedy to show us that God will provide. He is the perfect parent. We can trust Him to guide us and help us to see a positive out of the tragedies that befall our world and our lives, we only need to trust that this will happen, like a child would trust their Mother and Father.

Their example is a powerful one that has reached many people. Celeste did a lot for us in her short time, thanks to God and the family who trusted.

In the midst of tragedy, suffering, and pain I will look to God and trust that He will be the parent He promised to be. I will carry His love with me, and a really nice pair of orange colored goggles.