Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Trouble In Mind

Trouble in mind, I'm blue,
but I won"t be blue always.
Child that wind's gonna come and blow my blues away!
-Trouble in Mind-Janis Joplin

We all have our troubles and we all get blue, but it is very important not to dwell on all the bad things that come our way. In my experience the best way to fight the blues or troubles is to forgive. It seems all things that hold me back or keep me angry stem from incidents that I have not let forgiveness heal. Whether it is forgiving someone else or the hardest type of forgiveness, forgiving myself.

I have done many things that need to be forgiven, I have asked the Lord for his forgiveness and believing in His Grace I know I have received that gift. But forgiving myself is another story.

Not forgiving myself for shameful and hurtful things I have done or have allowed to happen to me is a drag. Basically I am living day to day with a person who is angry, resentful, and hurt. Imagine living with someone for your whole life who will not forgive you for anything you have done. After a while you will see yourself as those hurtful actions, that is who you will eventually become. If that is who you are you will most likely continue to do more hurtful and shameful things.

Forgiving others is a little tricky for me. I forgive easily but tend to hold a grudge, that is not forgiveness and it hurts the other person and me. It is easy to forgive someone you love, especially if that person tries on a daily basis to be a good person and tries not to do the offence that was forgiven again.

How do you forgive someone who continually does the same offence over and over again? The Lord says we must forgive for the sake of others and ourselves. How do you do this when the person will not stop hurting or offending you?

A wise man told me something about marriage. He said a marriage contains three rings, her ring, his ring, and suffering. The suffering is do to the forgiveness a marriage must have to survive. I am lucky that my husband is a person who strives everyday to be a good person. But what if your spouse will not correct their ways and you must forgive them for the same acts over and over again? What about a friend or a family member who will not correct their offences?

There is suffering in life, that suffering holds many Graces for us, but there are times when you must forgive a person, love and pray for them from far away. Some people are detrimental to our soul, but that does not mean we leave them and hold hatred for them, that is damaging to the soul as well. Some people think that when someone forgives them it means what they did was alright. Those types of people don't know what forgiveness is, or how precious to the soul someones forgiveness can be.

Some people including myself at times, see true forgiveness as a sign of weakness. How can that be when it takes so much strength to do so?

Lent is coming up and I have been thinking about what I can do this year. What I can "give up"
I have given up a lot of physical things already. This year for Lent I am going to give up holding grudges. I am going to feel what it's really like to forgive, the way the Lord wants me too. Even if it means forgiving people in my life, past or present, and loving them from far away.

This year I am going to try not to let grudges, for myself, or anyone else trouble me. I am going to let the wind of forgiveness blow my blues away.


Cathy Adamkiewicz said...

Great post, Kelly.

One line really stayed with me - the one about "imagining life with someone who never forgives."

Sadly, I have a family member like that. This person causes me so much pain. And what drives me crazy is I know I have to forgive her (for her unforgiveness!) in order to have any peace!

It is not easy. I'll pray for you - will you pray for me?

Soul Pockets said...

You know I will Cathy. It is so hard at times. I am blessed that I do not have many people in my life who need to be forgiven over and over (besides my husband) :) My problem lies mostly with forgiving myself. I will need those prayers you are offering. Thank you.