Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Cha Cha Cha Changes

There are a lot of changes going on with me at the moment. One, and a very big one, is that I quit smoking. I am not over the hump just yet, but I am slowly getting there. Some people don't think of smoking as a drug and that it does nothing to effect your personality. Those who think that are wrong.

I have realized when I smoked I was in constant withdrawal from one cigarette to the next. Aways irritable waiting until I could go outside and have my fix. I am irritable now but it is becoming less and less and my mood stays pretty level whether I am happy, sad, or whatever.

Another change has been in my eating and weight loss. I knew that if I gained a lot of weight by not smoking there was no way I would succeed. I started eating right and exercising and I am actually losing weight! Granted the weight is coming off slower than before, but I am not gaining the dreadful pounds everyone says you will gain when you quit smoking.

There are other changes that will be coming up for me that I don't really know how I feel about them just yet. I am having surgery this Friday to correct a medical problem. By correcting this problem will most likely result in me not being able to have anymore children.

I can hear people screaming WHAT!! already. I know I already have five children and I am not getting any younger. I know that I need to concentrate and be grateful for the children I have, but I can't help to feel selfish and a tad upset that there will be no more children in my future. I tell myself to thank God for what I have, but my heart does break a little bit every time my youngest, Ben, reaches and passes a mile stone. This will be the very last time a child of mine will smile for the first time, roll over, sit etc...

Change can be hard especially when we don't know what the outcome will be. But for me, trusting in the Lord makes the move toward change much more pleasant.

All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another. ~Anatole France

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