Friday, September 26, 2008

Lost



One night I was sitting on my couch watching an episode of Nanny 911. If you have never seen the show what it basically boils down to are parents with uncontrollable children who want them fixed. Nanny comes in and shows the parents it is their fault the kids are crazy and presto the family is all better.

On this particular episode it was the same deal. Dad works all day, mom is a frustrated, depressed, yelling mess. What caught my attention was when Nanny told the mother that her problem was that she lost herself. Her whole life revolved around the kids and she did nothing for herself therefore she was lost. Nanny then went on to tell the mother if she does not find herself before the kids leave home she will be a depressed empty nester.

My take was that mom and dad needed to find their friendship again and come together as parents. I didn’t see anything showing this devoted mom was lost. It made me wonder if this is something people think about moms who live their life for their kids and family.

I am a stay at home mom with four kids. They are my life. My life does revolve around them. They are my job, my career. I am their mother, and their teacher. When I am not doing the daily physical things a mother does my mind and heart are always on my kids. Am I lost?

I, like the lady on Nanny 911, don’t get a chance to do much for myself. I do get my hair done and go shopping for myself, and I occasionally go out with the girls (Which is coming up this Saturday, YAY!) but my family's needs always come first. You know what, I am ok with that. Here is a news flash I like my kids. Being a mom is who I am. I don’t feel being a mother has caused me to lose anything; I feel I have found a major part of myself through motherhood.

I hope people don’t see me as lost. I have never been so aware of myself since I had my children. As for them leaving and me becoming a depressed empty nester, I don’t see that in my future. I dream of the day when Big D and I can have lazy afternoons, go to nightly mass together, or just go where we want to go when we want to go. I look forward to the day when I can, dare I say, spoil my husband even more than I do now. There are so many places where I want to volunteer and the ministries I want to continue that will be much easier to do when the kids are grown.

The days will come when my children get older and leave; it will be bitter sweet for me but I don’t see it as an end for me. I see it as retiring from the more physical work of being a mother and going on to the next chapter in life where I am sure more of myself is waiting to be found.

6 comments:

Cathy Adamkiewicz said...

So well put. Sometimes I am tempted to label myself as well, not exactly lost, but maybe not successful because I have spent most of my adult life as "just" a mother.

Those of us who are mothers by choice, who are really capable of excelling at so many things, can be challenged extraordinarily by the world to do "more" than be moms.

Being a mom is the greatest, most powerful job in the world.

Munchkins and Music said...

I loved this post. This was so good for me to read today. "I have never been so aware of myself since I had my children." So true! I watch those nanny shows to, I loved your take on the nanny's comment. Thanks for your uplifting words!

Marie said...

Kelly you stated it so well YOU are a mother first and guess what mother IS the toughest job a woman can have..To mess that up well the consequences are terrible.

My own mother was NEVER my best friend as a matter of fact my mother often stated 'I am NOT your best friend I am your mother!' I am SO glad for her loving discipline which didnt allow me to throw tantrums, or to use manipulation to get my way. I am glad my mother was like the FBI when it came to what we watched on the TV and how we ate(healthy foods).

Mother's need to be mothers without a longing to be their childrens best friend.

Motherhood is tough but the rewards well you can speak more about that than me hon. But I should think the rewards are Glorious indeed.

Motherhood is a job for life, not a life sentence.

Peace and joy to you hon:)

Marie xooxoxox..PS: I have written a piece on Russia I hope you will let me know your opinion of it? If you have time:)God bless you and ALL mothers.

Milehimama said...

I think many people, especially in the secular realm, don't understand that if your give yourself to others, you are not giving yourself AWAY.

If one has never lived a life of true service, one can't understand HOW it could be fulfilling. After all, the nanny cares for children as her WORK - not her vocation.

Chris said...

You don't sound lost to me. You sound more as if you are found. I agree with you 100%. Children and family don't make you loose yourself. They make you whole and complete. Very well stated. Thanks for posting.

Ginny said...

I totally agree with you and feel the same way.